I played so many fun and challenging cEDH games this weekend in Houston. Loved meeting players and fans, and reuniting with my cEDH tournament friends from across the country. My only challenging moment came when retired Magic Pro Sam Black resorted to disparaging my character in hopes of scoring a victory in our match.
This topic is difficult to talk about but I hope discussing this openly and publicly will be helpful and healing for not only myself but for the cEDH community at large.
In our 4th round match in the Midseason Invitational, Sam Black was storming off with a Song of Creation, and at the pivotal choke point, Player 1 cast an Orim’s Chant, effectively stopping his win. Player 4 and I said we would pass priority if he silenced Sam, and we agreed that Player 1 would get another turn from us. We were willing to make any deal: we were out of relevant counterspells and were essentially dead in the water. Without a spell to cast in response, Sam’s lone strategy was to then personally attack one of his opponents: me, to accuse me of being a liar and a cheat as a means to persuade Player 1 to take back the pivotal spell. Sam was persistent, Player 1 appeared flustered, and I felt deeply hurt by one of the most famed Magic players trashing my character just to win a game of cards.
This was not the first tournament game Sam had done this, and it was as particularly hurtful then as it was in this instance. I immediately asked Sam to stop, told him that I felt uncomfortable and harassed, and when he pressed on with the verbal attacks, I called for a Judge.
Standing up to someone of Sam’s stature was difficult, even for me. I felt heated, intimidated, tilted. His behavior seemed to be making the other players in the pod uncomfortable as well.
Myself and Player 4 were removed from the table by the judges while they discussed the situation. Most shocking was during this deliberation by the tournament staff, Sam was left alone for minutes with the controller of the Orim’s Chant and continued to politic that player during the judge call. Eventually a judge was sent to the table, but the damage had been done.
When we returned, the Tundra was untapped, the spell was back in Player 1’s hand. Sam explained to us that Player 1 had decided not to cast the Chant after all. Sam’s ad hominem attack on me was successful in persuading our opponent to allow for his win. And Sam proceeded to cast many, many more spells and did in fact win. But it is not the match result that doesn’t sit well with me.
As difficult as it is, I am working on finding forgiveness for Sam Black. Being called a liar and a scummy player struck a chord, just like being the punch line of the 11-hour game. But why do these barbs hurt to much?
Probably like most Magic players I was a competitive and bright kid, but I had an antagonist relationship with my family and some teachers. I feel embarrassed talking about it publicly, but I was subjected to a good deal of verbal and emotional abuse from my parents. They often cast my intellect as coercive or scheming. As a fat kid, I was often characterized as greedy. As a result, I grew to be a real people pleaser, a giver, and still have a deep habit of wanting people to like me. Even in the cEDH community: I try to do so much for people with art, content, tournaments, etc. Does it come from a desire to rewrite my role, to be seen as kind and easygoing and generous in the eyes of others?
What could this difficult experience in a game of cEDH be trying to teach me in life? I can’t honestly sum up this post with any sort of conclusions, because frankly I still don’t know how I feel or what I’ve ultimately learned. I was tempted to ignore the horrible game experience with Sam and focus on all the amazing games I did have, the tasty food I ate, the laughs with friends, signing mats for fans and meeting patrons in real life for the first time.
After the game I returned Sam’s Rhystic Study. I had gained control of it and we had the same color sleeves. I was hoping he would apologize to me then, away from the game when there was no in-game equity to be gained by putting me down. He didn’t apologize. Rather, he continued to explain why he believed I was a deceitful person and not to be trusted. I could only walk away.
Maybe I need to learn that being generous is its own reward , with no desire for anything in return, not even being liked? There is line here, something about kindness and The Golden Rule, the forgiveness of self and others, generosity for its own sake. It is not deterministic but I’m confident I can piece it together.
